“Renewable Power of Destruction – The Stormtroopers Are Ready for the Copenhagen Climate Change Conference”
December 17, 2009 at 2:10 pm | In Movies, Photos, Pop Culture | Leave a CommentMy friend - the same friend that introduced me to Star Wars a couple of months ago, sent me the link to this - which is surely a relevant picture to post during these COP15 days. (Click on the picture to see a larger version).
The picture is part of Stéfan’s series “Stormtroopers 365″ on Flickr, which is bloody brilliant, if you ask me. And the thing is, it oughtn’t to be funny, you know? It’s just a couple of Stormtrooper action figures, posing in pictures. And besides, being a Star Wars rookie, I’m still not sure I’ve understood what exactly a Stormtrooper is. But Stéfan’s skilled photography and his imaginative ways of letting the action figures pose as well as his gift for captions ensure the hilarity.Here’s another favourite of mine – I love how neat the Stormtroopers’ handwriting is! And this one is just plain adorable. While this one proves that Stormtroopers can be grunge, too.
The Empire cares about the environment! And they’re adamant about not harming it while blowing up random planets. That does warm the heart, does it not?
Film Experience Blog Gives Cheers to My Best Friend’s Wedding (And At the Lighthouse Praises its Soundtrack)
December 6, 2009 at 11:35 am | In From the Blogroll, Gender, Movies, Music, Pop Culture, The 1990s, youtube | Leave a CommentI’ve been reading the excellent Film Experience Blog for a while now. Today the blog features an entry on 90s romantic comedy My Best Friend’s Wedding, and it’s a very interesting read. I saw that movie in the theatres with some friends in the ninth grade, and while I can’t say that I remember it as “the best comedy of the nineties” the way CanadaMatt does, I always enjoy it when people have praise for random pop-cultural stuff that critics usually look down their noses at, and I really appreciate CanadaMatt’s queer-theory-angle take on the film:
Maybe there won’t be marriage.
Maybe there won’t be sex…
But by god there will be dancing.…is transgressive in its acceptance and extollation of a non-normative union (for mainstream Hollywood, at least). The couple dance off happily, as the singer sings “forever and ever”. Here the gay man is not relegated to homosexual pet status, he is the leading man, the moral centre of the film, and ultimately its hero. The relationship between Julianne and George is one of equals, and the film celebrates that at its conclusion.
Also, I would like to take this opportunity to say that I think My Best Friend’s Wedding had a pretty great soundtrack. I remember borrowing the CD at the library after I’d seen the movie, and I really have to give it credit for introducing me to some of the more memorable love songs from the 20th century, some in cover versions, other in original versions. Diana King’s “I Say a Little Prayer” is probably the one that most people associate with the movie, but there’s also a wonderfully ironic version of “Wishin’ and Hopin’” that is used as the opening sequence of the film:
This track, along with the soundtrack’s cover version by Nicky Holland of “I Just Don’t Know What to Do With Myself”, was what introduced me to the genius that is Dusty Springfield, and I will be forever thankful for that. After hearing the Nicky Holland version I went up into the living room and found my father’s old Dusty Springfield record and left it on the grammophone for weeks and weeks afterwards. I still think that “I Just Don’t Know…” is one of the best break-up songs ever. Just listen to that crescendo in the bridge (“Like a summer rose…”). Devastating!
In the more optimistic end of the spectre, there’s also the up-beat ”Tell Him” with The Exciters with its wonderful folk-lore-ish sound and its lyrics that directly contradict the book He’s Just Not That Into You. I tend to agree with the ideas of HJNTIY, but I still love the song:
(Dude, that is one weird video, though. Bears? And lions and swans? What?)
There’s also “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again” (in a version by Mary Chapin Carpenter) which is just such an adorable song, and there’s “What the World Needs Now”, which never did much for me personally, but I suppose it’s a classic in its own right. And then there’s “The Way You Look Tonight” which Tony Bennett lends such a wonderful warmth in his version, you can almost see the candlelights and taste the dizzying red whine of a romantic dinner:
So I always thought it was a good soundtrack, but CanadaMatt’s perspective makes me like it even more. Because with his comments in mind you could say that the producers used the great love song classics from the past decade in order to tell a brand new kind of love story in the ’90s: A love story in which the hero might be a homosexual man and the heroine a loving single woman. That is a nice thought.
“Something Something Something Dark Side…”
December 1, 2009 at 6:46 pm | In Movies, Pop Culture, Television, youtube | Leave a CommentI cannot wait for this:
Favourite things about this trailer:
- Consuela vacuuming during Darth Stewie’s hologram
- “Aw, Jim. Robot camels.”
- The robot camel doing the standard Family Guy “hurt my knee” routine
- The fact that Yoda will be played by Carl from the drug store
- “Ooh, empire stuff! Busy with empire stuff!”
All in all it looks like this should be every bit as delightful as the 2007 A New Hope spoof. Is it December 22 yet?
“Fuck, We’re All Dead!”- Public Service Announcements from G.I. Joe
November 13, 2009 at 4:09 pm | In Internet Findings, Pop Culture, Television, The 1980s | 2 CommentsWhile we’re on the subject of kitcsh-y 80s cartoons, and because I can’t think of anything substantial to write about just now, I thought I’d share this video with you:
I’ve never actually seen G.I. Joe, but apparently the cartoon always ended with a useful Public Service Announcement. The editor of the video has selected his favourites among these, muted the sound and altered the voices. The video simply cracks me up, which is probably proof that I am not in my right mind, but there it is.
Maybe you’ll enjoy it, too.
November 9 1989
November 9, 2009 at 9:35 am | In History, Pop Culture, Television, The 1980s | 2 CommentsToday is the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall. I wish I could tell you exactly what I was doing on November 9 1989, when I was told about the fall of the wall, and what I felt when I saw people celebrating on TV that night, but I can’t. I don’t have any memories of that day. I was six years old at the time and I guess I was simply too young to understand what was going on.
The Boyfriend and I talked about it last night and he, being a few years older than me, remembers things more clearly, although mostly what he remembers is his father being completely elated and watching television all night on that day. I guess this is very typical of my generation, the generation that were young children in the 80s: The Berliner Mauer fall was the first major historical event of our lives, but in a strange, remote vague way. Even for those of us who were old enough to understand what was going on on November 9 1989, the divided Germany had not been part of our scheme of things. We had spent our young 80s lives learning how to walk and talk and button those overalls we all wore back then regardless of our sex, and we hadn’t been longing for the collapse of the wall the way our parents had.
But the repercussions were great enough that the event didn’t go completely over my head, and the fall of the Berliner Mauer comes back to me in little fragments when I try to look back. Mostly I remember sitting in the backseat of my parents’ car, as my parents drove me and my brother to a neighbouring city on December 1989, where we would celebrate New Year’s Eve with some friends of my mother. “This may have been the most important year of your lives,” my father solemnly told me and my brother and then went on to explain to us about the wall and what it meant that it was now no longer there.
I also remember going to Germany in the summer of ‘90 with my family, and it is of course no coincidence that my parents chose to take us to our southern neighbouring country that particular year. My parents showed my brother and me both Eastern and Western Germany and the stark contrasts between them made a deep impression. We also saw parts of the old wall, and I was chilled to the bone when I saw the barbed wire and my mother told me what it was for. “Lede mur”, my brother and I started calling the wall after seeing it – “Mean wall” in Danish.
And then I have one memory of the fall of the Mauer that I hadn’t thought of for years and years until just this morning, namely the memory of a particular episode of the cartoon Alvin and The Chipmunks. My brother and I watched that cartoon religiously at one time, despite the fact that our television didn’t receive the channel that broadcast it very well. We only had two working channels back then, the Danish Public Service channel and one commercial one, but my brother and I had managed to find this third channel and it fascinated us to no end. The signal was so bad that everything we tried to watch on the channel had a double outline, making it look as if all the people on the screen were constantly haunted by an eerie ghostly doppeltgänger, but my brother and I could care less because the television broadcast a wide range of American cartoons, the likes of which we had never seen in the sober, daily 30-minute children’s programme on the public service channel that my parents let us watch. My parents disappoved of our watching these mainstream cartoons, thinking that they were in bad taste, but I guess they must have felt it would be useless to try to keep us away from it. And so ignoring the ghostly double outlines and my parents’ eyes on us, my brother and I watched Dinoriders on this channel, we watched Dungeons and Dragons, we watched Captain America. And then we watched Alvin and The Chipmunks, and I’ve forgotten every episode of that cartoon series except for one Berlin Wall episode.
When I googled ”Chipmunks Berlin Wall episode” today I found that the episode actually aired a year prior to the fall of the Mauer, but in Denmark there must have been a delay, because I know I never saw the episode until after the wall had fallen, and I could hardly believe my eyes. I don’t remember much from the story, other than the fact that it was the story of two children, a sister and a brother who had been seperated by the wall. The sister told the Chipmunks her story and how much she missed her brother, and the Chipmunks ended up doing a concert next to the Berlin Wall, singing about their hope that the wall would fall down. Amidst their singing, the wall started to crack and crumble, it fell, and the brother and sister were reunited.
My brother and I were gaping. Even at that age we felt that there was something dangerously inappropriate about a mere cartoon depicting an event that my parents had told me might be the most important event of my lifetime. But I was also deeply moved by the story. I cried when the brother and sister embraced, I thought the song was beautiful, and I think that seeing the event depicted on Alvin and the Chipmunks was one of the first things that made me realize just how big a deal the Mauer was. It was one thing that my parents were preoccupied with the wall – they were preoccupied with so many things that didn’t concern me; politics, economics, work. But the fact that the American cartoons, this childish realm that belonged so exclusively to my brother and myself, the fact that they related to the event made me begin to realize that that big, crumbling wall wasn’t just something that grown-ups in grey suits talked about dryly on the news, it was something that was going to define me and my generation and the way we would live our lives.
I don’t think I’ve ever realized how powerful that moment was to me until just this morning when I managed to find the Chipmunks clip on youtube and I damn near teared up listening to the song. In German class in school we were told about the wall endlessly and wrote essay upon essay about it, but nothing ever had as much of an impact on me as that silly cartoon episode did on that day. Is the image of Alvin and the Chipmunks breaking the wall with their singing sappy and in poor taste? Certainly! But the episode served its purpose for me back then.
Strong With the Force Young Tomasson Is
October 20, 2009 at 6:57 pm | In Pop Culture | Leave a CommentSometimes it’s important to stop and ponder the great questions in life. Such as: Doesn’t Luke Skywalker look a lot like Danish footballer Jon Dahl Tomasson? My colleague asked me that question last week as we were watching Star Wars Episode IV together, and I wholeheartedly agreed with him. Today he made an entry at the TotallyLooksLike page, and I thought I’d share it with you guys:

Whaddaya think? Total dead ringer, no? Well, this blogger agrees with us in any case. The link to my colleague’s entry at TotallyLooksLike is here if you want to go vote or comment.
Top 5 Favourite Star Wars Youtube Videos
October 12, 2009 at 3:21 pm | In Internet Findings, Movies, Pop Culture, Top 5/Top 10, youtube | 2 CommentsEdited because I posted the same video twice… I suck.
I was very happy to learn in the past week that Herta Müller has been appointed this year’s winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature, and I was planning to post an entry today celebrating an essay of hers that I’m particularly fond of. But I’m simply too busy and stressed out about my thesis today to gather up the brain cells that writing an entry like that would require. So you’re going to have to make do with a brief entry about Star Wars instead.
Despite my obvious love for Harrison Ford, I have actually never seen Star Wars, and when I confessed this to a colleague of mine a while ago he announced that that was simply not acceptable, and that he was going to have to show me the first three movies personally to make up for this lack in my education. So I’m invited over to his place tonight to watch Episode IV, and I’m really looking forward to it.
As a means of preparing myself for the event, I’ve been watching a few Star Wars videos on youtube, and they are so funny that I’ve actually been able to enjoy them despite never having seen the movies. Here are my five favourites:
5. “You’re like… family to me.” – The Star Wars Holiday Special
The first one is actually just a clip from the Star Wars Holiday Special. Apparently, this was an infamous television special set in the Star Wars universe, and it was so incredibly bad that true Star Wars fans refuse to consider it part of the SW canon, George Lucas hated it, and the involved actors were deeply embarrassed by it. Well, judging from this short clip, I sort of understand why:
I do like the moment at 1:00 when that big furry thing (a wookie? Is that what you call them?) totally looks at Harrison Ford like it wants to do him. But I certainly hope that the standard of the rest of the original movies is significantly higher than in this holiday special. Otherwise, it’s going to be a long night.
4. “Forget the dental plan. Forget sick leave. I just want a railing!” - Deleted Scenes from Family Guy Episode “Blue Harvest”
Apparently, Seth McFarlane and the Family Guy crew have received a carde blance of sorts from George Lucas to do Star Wars jokes on the show, on the one condition that they make everything look just right. As a result, Family Guy is packed with Star Wars-themed jokes, culminating in the sixth season with the episode “Blue Harvest” - a one-hour-long Family Guy Star Wars spoof. It was a great episode, even to a Star Wars ignoramus like me, and I’d like to link to the entire episode. But of course I can’t, copyright issues and all that, so instead here is a video of deleted scenes from the episode:
3. “They blowed it up together” – Star Wars According to a Three-Year-Old
This one is just adorable. The youtube poster had their three-year-old daughter explain to the camera what happens in Star Wars. And now my ovaries are hurting.
2. “Com-Scan has detected an energ-” – Darth Vader Being a Smartass
This video is an example of how come you can come with a little editing. Brilliant! My favourite part is Darth Vader’s innocent “facial expression” (if you can call it that) at 00:35
1. “I’m going to, like, the Dark Side or whatever” - Star Wars Retold by Someone Who Hasn’t Seen it
I realize that most of the fun in this video must be going way over my head, since I haven’t actually seen the movie either and thus am unable to tell how much Amanda messes up the plot. But it’s still hilarious – both Amanda’s unceremonious account and the editor’s wonderful animation.
“Hans??”
Natalie Imbruglia – A Mime Interpretation
October 1, 2009 at 7:30 pm | In Internet Findings, Music, Pop Culture, youtube | Leave a CommentI haven’t been updating the blog as much as I’ve wanted to these past few days - busy week, that’s all. But until I’m ready with a more substantial blog entry, I thought I’d go for the easy youtube solution and give you a little treat. The following is a video showing mime Johann Lippowitz a.k.a. David Armand doing an interpretation of Natalie Imbruglia’s hit song ”Torn”. My mime-enthusiasm may come as a surprise to some of you, since I have in the past expressed some suspicion when it comes to mimes, but trust me, this guy is a genius!
My favourite part has to be his display of growing frustration from chorus to chorus, as expressed in his interpretation of the line “You’re a little late”.
This Just In: Indiana Jones and the Prospect of a Fifth Indiana Jones Movie
September 15, 2009 at 7:12 pm | In Fandom, Indiana Jones, Internet Findings, Movies, Pop Culture | Leave a CommentI know, I know, I pretty much promised that there would be no more entries about Indiana Jones for now, but come on! How can you expect me not to write about it when a thing like this pops up all of a sudden? My friend Natascha sent me a link to this article while I was at my office working on my thesis and it took all my restraint to keep from squealing and making a fool out of myself in front of everyone else in the room:
“The story for the new Indiana Jones is in the process of taking form,” Ford told France’s Le Figaro. “Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I’ll be very happy to put the costume on again.”
Full article here.
My immediate thoughts:
- I have to say I’m happy to hear that Ford seems to have some reservations about the whole thing. I like to think that “If the script is good” really means ”If the script is better than the last one and doesn’t have any mention of aliens and/or interdimensional creatures because srsly WTF, Lucas??”.
- I can’t wait to find out who’s writing the script. Wouldn’t it be awesome if it were J.J. Abrams and Matt Reeves? Think about it! They’re good with the emotional stuff and they’re good with the supernatural and they’re good with character arcs. They could do great things with Indy, I’m sure. Well, a girl can dream, can’t she?
- I love how Karen Allen asks at a press conference if anyone else has heard about an official announcement about her own movie. Adorable! Hope she didn’t get into too much trouble with the bosses for that one. I’m glad that it seems she will be in Indy 5 as well. But anything else would be unacceptable.
- The Summer of 2012, huh? Man, I’ll be in my 30th year by then.
- … Dude, and Harrison Ford will be 70! Freaky!
Anyway, I’m excited to see where this will be going. I’d say I’m about 30% enthusiastic, and 70% nervous about the idea of a fifth Indy movie. It could turn out great. But it could also turn out completely awful. Again, the fourth movie had freakin’ aliens in it. But then I guess, in the words of Jeff Bayer from The Scorecard:
“There’s always the chance we could get that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull taste out of our mouths. It was a bit of a fishy taste, similar to what Jar-Jar Binks tastes like, I’m sure.”
Indiana Jones and the Son of Indiana Jones – Reviewing Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
September 3, 2009 at 9:08 am | In Fandom, Indiana Jones, Movies, Pop Culture, Reviews | Leave a CommentHaving made my way through my Indiana Jones box set and watched both Raiders of the Lost Ark, Temple of Doom and Last Crusade, the time has now come for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, the Indy sequel that came out just last year. And hold on to your fedoras now, because this is going to be one long mothafucka of a review. If you’re starting to get tired of my lengthy Indy blog reviews then maybe you can take comfort in the fact that this is the last Indy movie that’s been made so far, so it will probably be a while before I blog about Indy again.
(Photo: Paramount Pictures)
So, Crystall Skull. I saw it in the theatres last year, and was somewhat disappointed by it, but I was excited about watching it again now that the first three movies were still fresh in my memory. And I’m glad I did, because I was actually pleasantly surprised by it this time around. I think the ending (which I will adress later in this review – and there’ll be plenty of spoilers so you should stop reading now if you haven’t seen the movie yet) was so awful that it had overshadowed my entire memory of the movie. I actually called the fourth Indy movie a “trainwreck” in a previous post, and I would like to take that back now.
Military Warehouses and Lead-linen Refrigerators
Because the first three fourths of the movie? Awesome. The furious Indy pace we came to know in Last Crusade is there right from the luscious opening sequence in which we find an aged Indy (the film is set 19 years later in history than Last Crusade) in the clutches of Russian communists who want Indy’s help to find some kind of wrecked airplane in a U.S. Military warehouse. The sequence then takes us from the warehouse into the desert of Nevada and from the desert into a fake town (a nuclear test town) where Indy survives a nuclear explosion by seeking shelter in a lead-lined refrigerator! All this happens within the first twenty minutes of the movie, mind you.
And the movie actually doesn’t lose its pace at any point during the rest of the movie. Whatever one may think of the development of the movie’s plot (again, more on this later), in terms of action, Lucas & Spielberg have not lost their touch in this fourth installment of Indiana Jones.
“Not as easy as it used to be”
But of course Lucas and Spielberg have both aged two centuries since the last Indy movie, and so has Ford, and so has Indy. Set in 1957 Indy is probably somewhere in his 50s, Harrison Ford was 66 when the movie opened, and Spielberg and Lucas have wisely chosen (heh) to address this issue head-on. Indy has always been a fallible character who tended to get himself into trouble, and since he relies on dangerous stunts during his adventures, he’s become even more fallible now that he is approaching the age of retirement. “Damn, I thought that was close!” he mutters in the warehouse as he fails to swing himself onto a driving truck by his bullwhip, and when he finds himself surrounded by armed Russians in the first scene he owns up the fact that getting himself out of this situation isn’t going to be “as easy as it used to be”.
Indy is too cool a guy to be trying to kid himself – and us as his audience – that he’s still physically a match for the guy he used to be in the first three movies.
Fathers…
What Indy’s not cool about when it comes to his age, however, is the fact that as regards his personal relationships, he appears to have arrived at a kind of terminus. In a touching scene early in the movie, we see Indy at home, sadly contemplating the framed pictures of the two men who have arguably been Indy’s most important father figures: Indy’s father Henry Jones Sr, and Marcus Brody, both of whom have passed on. “Brutal couple of years,” Indy says to his friend Charles Stanforth, the Dean of Marshall College, “First Dad, then Marcus.” “We seem to have reached the age,” replies Charles, “where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.”
The message is clear: As Shakespeare’s childless monarch Macbeth taught us, success isn’t worth a whole lot if you don’t have succession, and Indy is left alone as his fathers die, with no son to follow in his own footsteps. It’s surely no coincidence that in the next scene, young greaser Mutt Williams pulls up beside Indy on a train station and asks for his help, as his ersatz father figure, Indy’s old friend and fellow archeologist Harold Oxley, has been captured along with Mutt’s mother by Russians in the Peruvian jungle, as Oxley tried to recover an old treasure, the legendary Crystal Skull.
…and the son.
Because of course Mutt is Indy’s son. Although Indy at first neither realizes this nor the fact that Mutt’s mother is no other than his old flame Marion Ravenwood, because Mutt refers to her as Mary Williams (Mutt: “Mary Williams. You don’t remember her?” Indy: “There were a lot of Marys, kid…” Mutt: “Shut up! That’s my mother you’re talking about!”).
But Indy and Mutt have great father/son chemistry right from the get-go, and Mutt seems to have inhereted quite a bit of spunk and stubbornness from both his parents. Shia LaBoeuf blends very well into the Indy universe, and I really like him in this part. He’s a charismatic kid, but not too heroic-looking, and he’s good at balancing Mutt’s qualities of “Impetuous Punk” and “Competent Young Man”. One of my favourite moments of the movie is the scene in Peru where Indy, Marion, and Mutt are being held at gunpoint by the Russians. The aging Indy sees no other solution than to cooperate with the Russians, but Mutt will have none of this, so he single-handedly attacks the soldiers and has Indy and Marion make a run for it into the jungle with him, and the following dialogue ensues:
Indy: What the hell are we doing, kid?!
Mutt: They were gonna kill us!
Indy: Well, maybe…
Mutt: Somebody had to do something!
Indy: Something else would have been good!
Mutt: At least I got a plan!
Indy: This is intolerable…
“This is intolerable…” being of course the line Sean Connery’s character repeated a few times during Last Crusade, whenever Indy made a particularly reckless move and put himself and his father in danger. I thought that was an excellent little detail.
Does this mean that I’m ready for Shia LaBoeuf to take over Ford’s part and be the new Indiana Jones? Hells, no! Ford’s Indiana Jones is incomparably cool, and I harbour the illusion that Ford’s got at least 30 years worth of action-adventure hero left in him, and that Spielberg, Lucas, and Ford will make several more Indy movies together. But I guess if I have to be realistic, I kind of like to think that there’s a possibilty that my potential kids may grow up with their very own Indy. Although, as Mutant Reviewers from Hell point out The Adventures of Mutt Jones does not have that same ring to it.
The Return of Marion Ravenwood
I’ve already praised Karen Allen’s reappearance as Marion Ravenwood in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in my tribute to Marion Ravenwood, so I won’t ramble on about that again in this review. Of course I loved it that she was back in this movie, and Karen Allen shone in the part. If I have any peeves about her part in this movie it is, perhaps, that the character left something to be desired in terms of gravity. Marion was a lot of fun in the first movie, but there was also glimpses of something darker to her when we were first introduced to her. “Do you know what you did to me, to my life?” Marion muttered gloomily as Indy came to see her in Nepal in Raiders. Since then he’s caused her even more grief by leaving her without a word a week before their wedding, pregnant with his child, in the late 30s. And yet, Marion’s dialogue with Indy in Crystal Skull is kept humourous and banter-ish all the way through.
I also have issues with the scene in which she decides to drive that jeep off a cliff and into a river. Marion was courageous in Raiders, but she wasn’t foolhardy. Driving a jeep off a cliff (while your own son is a passanger!), that’s foolhardy.
But these are minor peeves, really. I’m thrilled that they brought her back.
Giant Ants and Extraterrestial Over-stimulation
A lot has happened in the world of special effects since Raiders of the Lost Ark, but surprisingly this actually proves to be a drawback for the Indy franchise, I think. In the special features for Raiders there was this really neat little documentary on how they made that melting head from the “Opening of the Ark” scene. First they had made a copy of Ronald Lacey’s (the actor who played Toht) head, and then they added to the model several layers of glycerine, each in a different flesh-like shade, and ending with a skin-coloured layer. The fake head was then exposed to extreme heat from a blow-torch until the glycerine started to melt off, exposing layer after layer, while they filmed. The process was then sped up and inserted into the movie scene.
Simple craftsmanship, and yet immensely effective. I don’t know how they made the equally effective Rapidly Aging Donovan scene from The Last Crusade, but by the looks of it, they used good old-fashioned claymation for the scene.
Nowadays we have computers to do effects like that for us, without us ever getting our fingers dirty or greasy with clay or glycerine. But I think Crystal Skull is proof to the fact that this new clinical approach to special effects is not always a good thing.
In Crystal Skull one of the villains gets punished for her evil ambition in much the same way as Toht and Donovan do in the first and the third Indy movie: Curiosity kills the Cate Blanchett as Irina Spalko basically explodes as a result of extraterrestiral intellectual over-stimulation (!) in one of the last scenes. First her eye sockets catch fire, then the rest of her evaporates while she screams. Sounds like it ought to be an effective scene, no? But it isn’t. It’s nowhere near as horrifying as the scenes in Raiders and Last Crusade. It simply looks too clinical, too smooth, too clean. Computers can do a lot of things, but they can’t compete with the gruelling textural effect that old-fashioned materials can produce. The melting head was (and still is, I’ll venture!) effective, not because it was sophisticated, but because it had an imperfect materiality to it that is recognizable to a spectator. A dying human body isn’t supposed to look sophisticated, it’s supposed to look messy. The Irina Spalko death scene felt unreal and distant in its perfect smoothness in comparison.
Same thing with the giant ants. Creepy crawlies are a tradition in the Indiana Jones movies, but they have never been less creepy than they were in Crystal Skull. Instead of the 8000-10.000 very real snakes they brought in for the Well of Souls scene in Raiders, the humongus bugs in Temple of Doom, or the swarming sewer rats in Last Crusade, the Crystal Skull special effects crew has created computer-animated giant ants for the movie’s obligatory creepy crawly scene. Highly sophisticated – yet utterly dull to look at.
The one scene that did work in terms of creepiness was the one with the Fake Town in the desert. That entire scene, from the moment when Indy realizes that all the inhabitants are an advanced kind of crash test dummies to the time when we see the dummies slowly dissolving during the nuclear test bombing, was absolutely brilliantly eerie, in a Offenbach-esquely uncanny sort of way. Despite the fact that this scene was made in a relatively old-fashioned way: The art directors simply went out and bought the most old-timey-looking mannequins they could find, filled the set with them, and then blew up a miniature model version of the town. I definitely think this is the kind of simplicity the Indy crew should pursue, if they intend to make more Indy movies, rather than plastering the movies with sterile computer graphics.
The Aesthetics of Extraterrestrials and the Phenomenology of Indy
Because the aesthetics are an important part of the Indy franchise, and I actually think that this was part of the problem with the Extraterrestrial plot of the movie as well. Aliens are, the way they’re usually represented in pop culture, stream-lined, sterile-looking creatures: Smooth, greyish skin, large inscrutable eyes, tiny lip-less mouths. Their means of transportation are sophisticatedly smooth and perfectly rounded spaceships.
These are not aesthetics that go well with the Indiana Jones universe. The traditional Indiana Jones universe is charming because it had a sense of materiality, of porosity, of something mechanical to it. Indy was the hero with the scar on his chin, with a ragged hat on his head, and dust and dirt all over his clothes. The Indy landscape was one of dirt and jungles and desserts, of holes that you could fall into, and of booby traps made from nifty, yet simple mechanical devises.
Likewise, the mythological dimension of the movies was one in which if you were willing to dig far enough through the layers of dust of our cultural history, you might find the truth.
This perspective was lost in Crystal Skull with the extraterristrial storyline. The elegant computer-animated extraterrestrials simply didn’t fit into this universe, and Lucas’ absurd idea that the aliens were actually inter-dimensional creatures only made it worse. “Where did they go? Into space?” asks Indy in the Crystal Skull ending as the extraterrestrial escape in their spaceship. “To the space between spaces.” Oxley replies, very cheesily, and the whole thing is just so wrong. This stupid pseudo-metaphysical explanation leaves nothing for Indy to dig his archeologist’s hands into, and leaves us without that thrilling idea of the Raiders and Last Crusade that our own soil hides incredible truths and powers. Who cares about extraordinary powers if they reside in a space that’s not even accessable to us?
The Domestication of Indy
The ending is, however, almost saved by the wonderfully sweet ending, where Indy and Marion tie the knot and walk down the aisle with Mutt as a happy little family. Some might argue that this is a pitiful domestication of the wayfaring Indy, but as this very poignant article by FilmChat argues, the domestication of Indy has been anticipated by the first three movies in which Indy’s carefree lifestyle is always interrupted or complicated by representations of domestication or of family: In Raiders his relationship with Marion is complicated by the fact that Marion’s father was (yet another) father-figure of Indy’s and had disapproved of their relationship. In Last Crusade Indy flirted with Elsa, but the movie’s most important relationship was the one between Indy and his father. And even in Temple of Doom it is the Family that prevails and we’re introduced to a father-mother-son constellation that might be said to foreshadow the last scene of Indiana Jones:
In Temple of Doom, Indy is at his most Bond-like, boldly promiscuous and telling Willie that he has done “years of fieldwork” in “primitive sexual practices” — but the greatest bond in that film is either fraternal or filial, not erotic, as Short Round declares “Indy, I love you!” before causing him the necessary pain that will free him from the spell that Mola Ram has cast on him. The film ends with man, woman and child happily united in a sort of makeshift family.
(FilmChat)
Special Features
There are a lot of special features for Crystal Skull – a whole seperate DVD with special features is included in the box-set. It’s almots too much I think - as should have become obvious by now, I’m a big Indy fan, and even I was bored with some of it. There’s a pre-production feature, a post-production feature, a production diary, a feature about the special effects, just to name a few. The best feature, for me, was the documentary “The Return of a Legend” in which the cast and crew discussed how it was that Indiana Jones was brought back to life in 2008.
I especially enjoyed the part where Lucas, Spielberg, and screenwriter David Koepp discussed how they came up with the title for the movie. Among the working titles they mention are the insanely corny Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men (Lucas’ idea), Indiana Jones and the Attack of the Giant Ants, and my personal favourite, the wonderfully clunky and expositional Indiana Jones and the Son of Indiana Jones, which I liked enough to make it the title of this review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
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