Okay, so this just about made my entire week:
I hope it will make yours, too. But to be honest, I don’t see how it could not make a person’s week.
Okay, so this just about made my entire week:
I hope it will make yours, too. But to be honest, I don’t see how it could not make a person’s week.
In celebration of Oscar Night, BriTANick from the always sublime Cracked.com has made a typical Oscar bait trailer:
“Specific outlining of your major character flaws!” “Over-reaction!!”
You may also enjoy this article from Cracked.com presenting Five Reasons The Oscars Matter Less than You Thought. I know they’re probably right, and truth be told I never really cared all that much about the Oscars. The only time I ever even stayed up to watch the whole thing was in 1998, and that was only because I wanted to see if Good Will Hunting won for best screenplay and actor (Yes, I liked Good Will Hunting a lot back then. Stop laughing! I was 14!). And then of course James Cameron ruined it all for me by delivering what may just be the most embarrassing acceptance speech ever, and I cringed so hard I pinched a nerve and never watched the Oscars again after that.
Still, there’s a part of me that will be pissed if Jeff Bridges doesn’t win that Oscar tonight. Whatever one may think of the concept of an actor being “due”, as Cracked.com calls it, that’s what he is. Jeff Bridges is due for an Oscar.
The Onion did a parody of a series of tourism ads made by Lars von Trier (warning! Not for the faint of heart).
Von Trier’s ability to work with such disparate Danish themes such as rape, incest, and the inherently evil nature of society makes him a national treasure.
Heh! It reads as an affectionate jab at von Trier, I think, and I dig it. And hey, I’d take those ads any day over that offensive “humorous” viral ad “Danish Mother Seeking” from a few months back.
Also, because I know you’re all just dying to hear more of my whining about my master thesis: It is being printed and bound as I write this, I am handing it in tomorrow morning (which is one whole day ahead of my deadline, thankyouverymuch), and I’ll admit that I am freaking out a little bit at the thought. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to keep myself from sneaking a peek at the finished, printed version of the thesis before handing it in, thus sending myself into a downward spiral of self-loathing and general obsession over what I could have done better. I’ve never been good at letting go of my projects, and I swear that my face might just melt off if I flipped through the thesis and found any major errors. So I’ve made one final motivational poster to go with the Master Thesis Anti-Procrastination Posters I made back in December:
*squeezes eyes shut to avert the devastating glory of the printed thesis*
Novelty-tees are so last century. But I still love them. They appeal to my very dominant inner nerd. My inner nerd likes the idea of using my clothes as a means of communicating silently with other nerds. It hopes to make contact with these other nerds that way. So far, the only novelty-ish t-shirt I have is an Ovid/Bernini fan t-shirt, black, with the outlines of Bernini’s sculpture Apollo and Daphne printed on it in pinks, along with the words “E pure così,/Apollo ancora l’ama”. (which - roughly translated - means that Apollo still loved Daphne even though she had turned into a tree in order to avoid him). So far no one has picked up on the reference. Can you believe that?
Anyway. Here are a few other novelty t-shirts that I really want.
“McNulty – Good Police”
Because he is.
I also kind of want this one, which is a bit more subtle:
Both t-shirts found via 8ball.
I would use the last one when I go jogging. Jogging would be so much easier if I were able to tell myself that I was getting in shape in order to be good Baltimore police and chase down Avon Barksdale or the like. Great motivation right there.
Opera fans tend not to create very funny novelty t-shirts, I’ve noticed. Like, it’s often just an old Verdi poster printed onto a bigass, boring white t-shirt. Or a black t-shirt that reads ”I *heart* Wagner”. Oh, ha ha.
This one is kind of awesome, though, and I love how the quote is translated and how it doesn’t actually say “Tosca” anywhere on the t-shirt. It would take a relatively big opera nerd to get the reference, and oh what fun he/she and I would have together then!
I like the coarse-looking design of the font, too. This is not a font that says “Opera is a refined art form, mainly intended for an elderly bourgeoise audience”. This is a font that says “I’M GOING TO STAB YOU WITH YOUR OWN STEAK KNIFE NOW, BECAUSE YOU’RE FORCING ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU BY THREATENING TO KILL MY BOYFRIEND, SCARPIA, YOU UTTER BASTARD!”
Also, I really want this other opera novelty t-shirt that no one has designed yet, so I guess I’m going to have to do it myself someday. My idea is this: It would be a decidedly girly t-shirt, possibly in pink, and on the front it would say “Don Giovanni World Tour 1887″. And then on the back it would say “#1003 “. The sad smiley face is essential.
Marshall College T-Shirt
I never even bought a t-shirt with my own university logo, but a Marshall College Tee? Hell yeah!
Extra points for subtlety in the reference here. I actually don’t think I’ve ever known a single person who would be able to get this one without any help.
Fact: “Thunder Road” is one of the most romantic songs ever written. If you, reader, are a girl, I dare you to listen to “Thunder Road” without feeling that you are, in fact, Mary, and that Bruce is standing by your front porch while your dress waves, persuading you into coming with him. That’s how the song makes me feel anyway. Which is why I need to own this t-shirt:
There is magic in the night! Or there would be bound to be if one wore this t-shirt. It would look fabulous with a pair of jeans, I think. A pair of worn, working class type blue jeans, good for riding to the sea to wash sins off one’s hands or for wrapping one’s legs around velvet rims.
Another Springsteen t-shirt that I’d like to have, is one with an arrow on the front pointing up to my face, and then the words would say: “Is this me, baby, or just a brilliant disguise?”. But no one has made that tee yet either, so I guess that’s another matter that I will have to take into my own hands.
I’m not crazy about the design, but the reference is fabulous! And I love how there’s a small dot and arrow that reads “Thou art here”. Heh.
While we’re on the subject of kitcsh-y 80s cartoons, and because I can’t think of anything substantial to write about just now, I thought I’d share this video with you:
I’ve never actually seen G.I. Joe, but apparently the cartoon always ended with a useful Public Service Announcement. The editor of the video has selected his favourites among these, muted the sound and altered the voices. The video simply cracks me up, which is probably proof that I am not in my right mind, but there it is.
Maybe you’ll enjoy it, too.
Edited because I posted the same video twice… I suck.
I was very happy to learn in the past week that Herta Müller has been appointed this year’s winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature, and I was planning to post an entry today celebrating an essay of hers that I’m particularly fond of. But I’m simply too busy and stressed out about my thesis today to gather up the brain cells that writing an entry like that would require. So you’re going to have to make do with a brief entry about Star Wars instead.
Despite my obvious love for Harrison Ford, I have actually never seen Star Wars, and when I confessed this to a colleague of mine a while ago he announced that that was simply not acceptable, and that he was going to have to show me the first three movies personally to make up for this lack in my education. So I’m invited over to his place tonight to watch Episode IV, and I’m really looking forward to it.
As a means of preparing myself for the event, I’ve been watching a few Star Wars videos on youtube, and they are so funny that I’ve actually been able to enjoy them despite never having seen the movies. Here are my five favourites:
5. “You’re like… family to me.” – The Star Wars Holiday Special
The first one is actually just a clip from the Star Wars Holiday Special. Apparently, this was an infamous television special set in the Star Wars universe, and it was so incredibly bad that true Star Wars fans refuse to consider it part of the SW canon, George Lucas hated it, and the involved actors were deeply embarrassed by it. Well, judging from this short clip, I sort of understand why:
I do like the moment at 1:00 when that big furry thing (a wookie? Is that what you call them?) totally looks at Harrison Ford like it wants to do him. But I certainly hope that the standard of the rest of the original movies is significantly higher than in this holiday special. Otherwise, it’s going to be a long night.
4. “Forget the dental plan. Forget sick leave. I just want a railing!” - Deleted Scenes from Family Guy Episode “Blue Harvest”
Apparently, Seth McFarlane and the Family Guy crew have received a carde blance of sorts from George Lucas to do Star Wars jokes on the show, on the one condition that they make everything look just right. As a result, Family Guy is packed with Star Wars-themed jokes, culminating in the sixth season with the episode “Blue Harvest” - a one-hour-long Family Guy Star Wars spoof. It was a great episode, even to a Star Wars ignoramus like me, and I’d like to link to the entire episode. But of course I can’t, copyright issues and all that, so instead here is a video of deleted scenes from the episode:
3. “They blowed it up together” – Star Wars According to a Three-Year-Old
This one is just adorable. The youtube poster had their three-year-old daughter explain to the camera what happens in Star Wars. And now my ovaries are hurting.
2. “Com-Scan has detected an energ-” – Darth Vader Being a Smartass
This video is an example of how far you can come with a little editing. Brilliant! My favourite part is Darth Vader’s innocent “facial expression” (if you can call it that) at 00:35
1. “I’m going to, like, the Dark Side or whatever” - Star Wars Retold by Someone Who Hasn’t Seen it
I realize that most of the fun in this video must be going way over my head, since I haven’t actually seen the movie either and thus am unable to tell how much Amanda messes up the plot. But it’s still hilarious – both Amanda’s unceremonious account and the editor’s wonderful animation.
I haven’t been updating the blog as much as I’ve wanted to these past few days - busy week, that’s all. But until I’m ready with a more substantial blog entry, I thought I’d go for the easy youtube solution and give you a little treat. The following is a video showing mime Johann Lippowitz a.k.a. David Armand doing an interpretation of Natalie Imbruglia’s hit song ”Torn”. My mime-enthusiasm may come as a surprise to some of you, since I have in the past expressed some suspicion when it comes to mimes, but trust me, this guy is a genius!
My favourite part has to be his display of growing frustration from chorus to chorus, as expressed in his interpretation of the line “You’re a little late”.
I guess since I’m Danish and a woman, I ought to comment on the infamous “Danish Mother Seeking…” video that the Danish tourist organisation VisitDenmark issued this month, in which a pretty blond Danish woman named Karen allegedly seeks the father of her infant son August whom she reveals to be a tourist whom she met during his stay in Denmark. Karen’s identity and her story were, of course, fake. If you haven’t already seen the video, you can watch it here:
I am deeply offended and disgusted by this marketing stunt, as is every Danish woman I know. The campaign has since been withdrawn by VisitDenmark who have also issued an apology for the video, but I still cannot believe that they actually went as far as to make this stunt in the first place. It is extremely demeaning towards women, and I find it utterly tasteless that a serious tourist agency would market Denmark as a country where you can go to have unprotected sex with promiscuous women.
The video got me thinking, however, about folklore and how there’s a tradition within (modern?) societies to boast of their only too willing women. We’ve in fact been doing that for decades in Denmark before Karen and her baby boy August came along, in the shape of an urban legend about a particular Copenhagen sculpture namely The Lure Players:
This monument showing too vikings playing the lure stands on a high pillar right overlooking the Copenhagen city hall square, and according to the legend, the lure players will start blowing their lures whenever a virgin (in the sense: virginal woman) crosses the square (in some versions it’s a virgin over the age of 18). The joke being of course that the lure players never do blow their lures (because they’re made of bronze…), thus indicating that Danish women are a promiscuous lot.
I always thought that this was a unique Danish legend, but I found out via Snopes.com, that I was mistaken. In the U.S.A. there are similar legends about a number of colleges, including one about the statue of a soldier who will shoot his rifle if a virgin walks by (and, accordingly, he is nicknamed ‘Silent Sam’), the statue of a university founder (Duke) who will tip his hat, and a pair of stone lions that will roar. The message is always the same: “Look! Ours is the most fun college – all our women are wild and willing!”
I’m not blind to the lure (heh) of such legends – I can see the joke, and legends about sculptures getting up and moving are always somewhat fascinating in a fairy-tale kind of way. But even so, I think it’s important that we at least consider the consequences of these attempts to equate a society’s appeal with how easy it is to get the women there to spread their legs. That we at least pause to consider what kind of gender roles legends this gives rise to. Especially when the tendency spreads beyond folklore and into the sphere of advertising and branding, as has so blatantly been the case with VisitDenmark and their viral marketing stunt video.
I know, I know, I pretty much promised that there would be no more entries about Indiana Jones for now, but come on! How can you expect me not to write about it when a thing like this pops up all of a sudden? My friend Natascha sent me a link to this article while I was at my office working on my thesis and it took all my restraint to keep from squealing and making a fool out of myself in front of everyone else in the room:
“The story for the new Indiana Jones is in the process of taking form,” Ford told France’s Le Figaro. “Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I’ll be very happy to put the costume on again.”
Full article here.
My immediate thoughts:
Anyway, I’m excited to see where this will be going. I’d say I’m about 30% enthusiastic, and 70% nervous about the idea of a fifth Indy movie. It could turn out great. But it could also turn out completely awful. Again, the fourth movie had freakin’ aliens in it. But then I guess, in the words of Jeff Bayer from The Scorecard:
“There’s always the chance we could get that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull taste out of our mouths. It was a bit of a fishy taste, similar to what Jar-Jar Binks tastes like, I’m sure.”
Oh no they di’nt! Why would someone do this? Here we have Sigrid Undset’s Kristin Lavransdatter, one of the best novels ever, and a Nobel Prize winner to boot, and this is the cover they choose for it? It’s an outrage! I mean, judging by this extremely cheesy cover, a potential reader would be right to expect to find several mentions of “heaving bosoms” and “quivering loins” in the book. It also makes Undset’s very thoroughly researched period novel look like the kind of trashy wanna-be medieval romance in which the villain is anachronistically portrayed as a viking.
Which is so not the case with Kristin Lavransdatter. In fact, if you haven’t read it yet, you need to go do so immediately. A lengthy, yet riveting novel (consisting of three parts: “The Wreath”, “The Wife”, and “The Cross”), the book is perfect for a summer vacation, so the timing couldn’t be better.