At the Lighthouse

So, I haven’t been re-capping Beverly Hills 90210 for, like, a year now, and I figured it was about time I got around to it again, especially now with the series being revived and all!

Unfortunately, my one source for watching the series has been removed; that is, the youtube poster who uploaded full episodes of the series on youtube last year has gone and had her profile deleted, so I don’t have a lot of episodes to pick from. In fact, the only episode I could find online was season 1 episode “Isn’t it Romantic?”.

But what an episode that is! As 90210 connoisseurs will be aware, this is the classic episode where Dylan smashes a potted plant at Brenda’s feet and the two of them get together. This was the one 90210 episode I had on tape when I was a kid, and I would watch it over and over again, simply because I thought that it was one of the most romantic things I had ever seen. The brooding rebel! Falling for the innocent good girl! It set a new standard for the romantic fantasies of every good little innocent girl in the early nineties, and I was no exception. I wanted someone to smash potted plants at my feet, too, dammit.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning.

Brenda and Dylan – Young Lovers and Wearers of Ugly Outfits

The episode opens with Brenda coming home to Casa Walsh, carrying a bag, and she is met in the front yard by twin bro Brandon who’s working on his car. He’s got the television trademark oil smeared all over on his face and his arms so that we know that that’s what he’s doing. Because it is of course impossible to work on a car without getting it all over yourself, like a toddler consuming its first birthday cake. Whatever.

This first season focused a lot on the twins trying to adapt to Californian life after having spent their whole lives in Minnesota, and Brenda complains to Brandon about the weather being way too hot for winter. Brandon asks her who needs winter, and I’m inclined to agree with him, seeing as I live in a country where there’s often snow and minus degrees from November through March, but Brenda goes emo on Brandon’s pro-Califronia ass and claims that she needs a wintry season to “sulk and be depressed in”. The conversation then turns to the contents of Brenda’s bag which is apparently Dirty Dancing on tape. It turns out that Brenda has a babysitting job that night, and whenever Brenda babysits, this is what she watches. Brand-o speculates that Brenda must have the movie memorized by now, and Brenda says ”Whatever gets you through the night – isn’t that what you always say?”. She says this in a skeevily flirty way, considering that she’s talking to her brother. There is tons of weird, sexual chemistry between Shannon Doherty and Jason Priestly throughout the first seasons. I once heard a rumour that the two actors were hooking up during the first season, and I totally think that’s true.

But I digress. Brenda’s flirty remark triggers the historic moment where Dylan surprises Brenda by rolling out from under the car, Bruce Springsteen-style, Trademark!Dirt smeared all over himself. He checks Brenda out big-time and takes it upon himself to reply to Brenda’s incest-tastic remark. “That’s what I always say…” he says, while still undressing her with his eyes. Which is the only thing to do, really, because Brenda’s wearing a hideous ensemble: running shoes and white tennis socks (seck-say!!), jeans shorts and an ugly, large mint-green t-shirt that bulges out and makes it look like she’s got a huge belly, and a broad head-band with flower print on it. Not good.

Brenda’s taken by surprise by Dylan and more flirtiness ensues (Brenda: “I didn’t see you…” Dylan:”I saw you.”), but then Ma!Walsh Cindy pops her head out of the Casa and tells Brenda there’s a telephone call for her: the child she was supposed to babysit has come down with the chicken pox.

Then there’s a complete throw-away scene where Brenda calls Kelly and the two girs discuss their plans for the night. Brenda says she’s free to go out with Kelly’s “dweeb cousin” after all, but Kelly’s hooked him up with Donna instead. Brenda then emos some more about how she’s going to just stay home and sort her socks, like there hadn’t already been brought enough attention to the fact that Brenda’s wearing white tennis socks. Kelly thinks Brenda needs a bubble bath, and Brenda steps out on her balcony, eyes Springsteen!Dylan in the front yard hungrily and smirks “That’s not all I need…”. “Ew. Goodbye.” Kelly awesomely replies and hangs up. I have to say I kind of second that sentiment. I don’t see any point with this scene except to establish the fact that Brenda’s kind of needy and would like to get laid. Oh, and that she likes her socks.

We’re then treated to the first appearance of prejudiced!Jim Walsh, as Jim meets up with Dylan by the car. Jim is acting all suspicious around Dylan. He tells him that he’s heard from Brandon that Dylan’s got a Porsche. “You bought it from your paper round earnings?” he snarkily asks Dylan, because having money apparently makes you a morally dubious person who’s worthy of scorn. For Chrissake, Jim, if you were so wary of people with money maybe you shouldn’t have moved to Beverly Hills in the first place. Just a thought. But Dylan’s pretty goodnatured about the whole thing and goes on to ask Jim if he may please use the shower, because he’s got Trademark!Dirt all over him. Jim agrees but not before asking Dylan whether he takes his earring out before he showers, which, what the hell? I mean, I get that they’re trying to show us that Dylan doesn’t fit in with Jim Walsh’s midwestern lifestyle, but asking Dylan about his showering habits just seems weird and vaguely like a come-on.

We cut to Brenda, who’s yelling to Brandon in the bathroom to keep the door shut while showering because it’s hot enough in the house already. She’s mortified, however, when the showerer pops out from behind the curtain and it’s not Brandon, it’s Dylan. Cue: teenage girl viewers all over the show squealing, because Dylan’s shirtless and we get to see his wet, upper body and his hair is all tousled. I have to admit that he’s looking pretty cute here. Brenda is startled and retreats out of the bathroom so that he may shower unseen.

This is where any normal high school girl (read: me at that age) would have run to her room and hid under her sheets with embarrassment, but obviously Brenda’s a stronger person than I am, because she just lingers in the hallway and continues to talk to Dylan from a distance. Luke Perry has the weirdest intonation as he asks her “So you’re into video tape, huh?”. I have no idea why he would emphasize the word “tape” like that. Surely “video tape” would have made more sense? Anyway, the two talk about movies, and Dylan smarmily shows up in the doorway up wearing nothing but a towel around his waste because the producers were aware that they depended on the rating of their female audience, and he ends up inviting Brenda to go to the movies with him and Brandon tonight. Brenda accepts and smirks to herself as she walks away.

Dylan takes Brandon and Brenda to a Marx Bros. Film Festival, because Dylan is sophisticated and worldly. So wordly in fact, that he’s approached by a slutty-looking broad in the hall before the movie starts. He’s so used to attention like this that he’s forgotten the chick’s name, otherwise he would have introduced the twins, he explains after she’s left. He’s chastised for this by Brenda, but defends himself: The name escapes him because she keeps changing her name to something exotic, because her real name is “something like Gertrude, or Beatrice or… Brenda.” Brenda then hammers what I think is a straw into his chest, because she’s feisty, despite being a Minnesota girl with a wholesome name like Brenda.

After the movie we find the three youngsters in Dylan’s hotel room where they have fastfood and Dylan impresses the twins with his subwoofers. Once again; Dylan’s rich and sophisticated and wordly and thus impressive to the twins.

We then cut to West Beverly High and the episode’s B-plot, but the youtube poster who uploaded this has apparently chosen to skip the B-plot altogether. I don’t blame him/her, I always fast-forwarded through that part myself because it was really boring and lame. But I’ll try to recap the plot all the same. From what I remember, the first scene of the B-plot goes something like this: Brenda and Steve are in health class and they are told that they are going to be getting sex ed, but the teacher needs their parents’ permission first. As Sars pointed out in her excellent recap of the 90210 recap on TWoP in these early episodes the writers were serious about sending a positive message to kids, and so I guess they didn’t feel like they could show us Brenda going out with a hot guy without also teaching their audience an important lesson on sex. Steve leans over to Brenda and asks her if she’s ever noticed that their health class teacher starts playing with his beard whenever he talks about sex. Brenda glances up at the teacher and sure enough; the teacher’s playing with his beard.  Ew. Gross and kind of masturbatory.

Casa Walsh, evening. Brandon’s on the sofa wearing a robe and reading a book and doing some television trademark!Sneezing so that we know that he’s got a cold. He and Brenda had plans to go out with Dylan, but obviously now Brandon can’t go, so Brenda goes out with him alone. Jim is none too happy about this because Dylan’s father is known in financial circles as an “unethical bastard, and that’s putting it politely”. Cindy asks him why he would judge Dylan by his father to which he replies that in his experience “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Nice, Jim. Prejudice is not unethical at all. Cindy rolls her eyes at him, like, “Kids say the darndest things!”, when really she should have been calling him on his bigot ways.

Brenda and Dylan are at the movies, and Dylan is once more displaying his wordliness as in contrast to Brenda’s Midwestern-ness as he demonstrates to an impressed Brenda how he can tell by every couple’s body language at the movies whether they’re on dates or picked each other up or whatever. Like, we get it already, writers. Dylan’s worldy. He flirtily puts his arm around Brenda and decides that they skip the movie and do something else. “What did you have in mind?” she asks, all coy and eye-battingly, and again I’m impressed by her coolness. If that was me as a 16-year-old getting hit on by Hot Rebel Guy, you can bet I would have been tripping and falling on my ass or accidentally spitting on him or something equally embarrassing. Fictional characters have it so much easier.

What Dylan has in mind was apparently for the two of them to go back to his place! Oh my. Brenda’s obviously all for this, and the two of them are even holding hands as they enter his hotel suite. I never noticed that before. But alas, as soon as they’re inside they find that Dylan’s father is there, having a meeting with his Unethical Bastard Business Associates. I notice that Dylan’s father is played by a different actor in this episode than in the rest of the series. This one’s more sleek-looking and less rugged-criminal looking. I’m glad they recast him. Dylan’s father drags Dylan away and the two immediately get into an argument off-screen, while Brenda stands around in the hallway, looking uncomfortable. An angered Dylan rushes back into the hallway and tries to pour himself a glass of whiskey, but Brenda stops him because he’s her ride home. Dylan’s pissed and rushes out of the building with Brenda in tow.

Brenda wants to calm Dylan down and proposes a walk on the beach, which seems a little hazardous to me, considering that it’s late at night and she’s with an angry, aggressive guy she hardly knows. What do they teach her in health class sex ed anyway? Luckily, Dylan’s not in the mood for walks on the beach: ”And check out the homeless people?” he snarks, ”That’d be great!”. Brenda tries to talk to him about what happened between him and his father, but he keeps interrupting her. Brenda gets pissed and Dylan snaps “Excuse me, I’ve got a knack for interrupting things because I’ve had just about noise for one night!” (again with Perry’s random over-empasizing of certain words!). Brenda tries to get a picolo to hail a cab for her, but Dylan angrily cuts her off. “No, I want a taxi!” Brenda insists, but Dylan yells “No, just come on, dammit!!”. “Stop yelling at me!” Brenda shrieks - at which Dylan grabs a potted plant and smashes it at her feet.

Brenda is understandably freaked out by this display of violence, and she starts running away from Dylan as fast as she can. Aren’t you glad now that Dylan turned down your suggestion to take a walk on the beach, Brenda? But Dylan’s faster than her, and he catches up with her and grabs her from behind. “Let me go.” Brenda pleads, but Dylan begs of her not to leave, “I’m an idiot, please don’t go!” he says while grabbing her wrists. ”You’re scaring me!” Brenda shrieks, and Dylan lets go of her, steps away and apologizes, looking all wounded-kitten-y. “He just gets to me, he always gets to me…” Dylan weeps and falls into Brenda’s embrace. He kisses her cheek and the two end up facing each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. Fireworks. They kiss, passionately.

(I imagine I’m not the only who remembers that scene fondly, so here it is, via youtube. Thanks to youtube poster knnarmst!):

You know something, after all these years that scene still works. I hate to admit it, but it still does. Which is so weird, because it’s totally random! A potted plant being hurled to the ground and two sobbing, shrieking teenagers? Why is that hot? It’s a mystery. It’s just one of those moments, I guess. Like in Lady and the Tramp. Two Italians serenading two dogs who are rolling meatballs around on a plate with their snouts oughtn’t be romantic either, and yet it is.

The next thing we see is Dylan pulling up in front of Casa Walsh, having driven Brenda home. He’s in the middle of angsting to her about his difficult life with an absent father, and Brenda’s totally sucking it up.  Dylan makes Brenda promise she won’t say anything to Brandon about his little potted-plant freak-out, and she promises. “So,” he asks her, all suavely, “are you sorry we missed the movie?” (Oh, Luke Perry, you and your wacky emphasizing of words!). “Oh yeah…” Brenda says seductively, and Dylan moves in for some more kissage.

We then cut to West Beverly High, but the youtube poster cuts it here, so I’m guessing the next scene is a B-plot one. I have no idea what happens in that scene, sorry.

Back to the A-plot. The Walsh family is having a wholesome Midwestern dinner together. Cindy is trying to convince Jim to go to a spa for the weekend, and Brenda thinks they should go, because Brandon’s working that weekend and Brenda has plans anyway. What plans? Jim asks, and Brenda reveals that she’s probably going out with Dylan. Cue to grumpy Jim who tells Brenda that he doesn’t want her dating him. Brenda tries to get Brandon to help her out, but Brandon doesn’t know what to say. Brenda says she’ll make plans with Kelly instead and leaves the table in anger. Cindy is pissed and tells Jim that she happens to like Dylan, before she leaves the table, too. Jim asks Brandon to try to break up Brenda and Dylan and man, for someone who’s supposed to be a wholesome father figure he’s really messing up big time here.

Cindy goes to see Brenda in her room and reminds Brenda that she was supposed to sign her permission to receive sex ed at school which launches a mother-daughter talk about sex. “[Sex ed] doesn’t deal with the most important stuff,” Brenda waxes poetically, “Like how it feels, in your heart, when you really want to connect with someone.” Cindy strokes Brenda’s hair and says it feels wonderful when it’s at the right time with the right person, and are they actually talking about sex here? That seems really awkward, Brenda talking to her mom about how she really wants to shag Dylan. Cindy says that there are a lot of things to a relationship, like mutual respect and whatnot, “it doesn’t have to be about sex.” “I hate to say this, mom, but it definitely has something to do with [sex]!” Brenda says. Um, ew? Enough with the sharing with your mother how much you want to get into Dylan’s pants, Brenda! Couldn’t they just talk about how Jim’s a jerk instead?

Brenda goes to Kelly’s place and complains about her family’s attitude towards Dylan. We learn that Kelly has agreed to cover for Brenda on Friday night so that Brenda can still keep her date with Dylan. Kelly offers Brenda some condoms from her stock by the bed. Brenda protests that this is all too clinical, but Kelly convinces her to take the condoms because it’s better than having to pick out names, “How about Dylan Jr? or Brendina?”. I don’t get why everyone’s acting like it’s a given that Brenda and Dylan are going to hit the sack the next time they see each other. They went out once and they’re in high school. Surely they don’t have to get at it right away? But again, the producers were all about the Positive Message to its Teenage Audience during this first season of the season and were obviously willing to sacrifice dramaturgy and continuity on the altar of the Positive Message. “If things go well, you won’t be thinking at all,” Kelly predicts, and Brenda looks pensive.

Kelly Taylor – Knows Stuff about Sex

The next day, Brenda and Dylan are being all couple-y during lunch break at school, feeding each other french fries and rolling around on the ground, kissing and mock-fighting. Brandon watches them from a distance, not happy about their promiscuous behaviour. I’d be a lot more sympathetic towards his case if he hadn’t been sexing it up at Casa Walsh with his old girlfriend Sheryl at Casa Walsh while his whole family was at home, just a couple of episodes ago.

In class, Masturbatory Beard-Fondling Teacher is trying to get his class to settle down and listen to him, so that he can tell them about the guest speaker named Stacy Sloane who is coming to “address the student body-”. “Did you say undress the student body? I’m there!” Steve lamely quibs and everyone laughs, and man, am I glad to be out of high school where lame remarks like this one were actually considered cool.

Between classes, Brandon tries to get Dylan to work on the car with him that weekend, but Dylan’s all angsty about his father and doesn’t have the time. Suddenly angry and frustrated, Brandon grabs Dylan saying “Oh, but you do have time to make out with my sister? (…) You better really like her. She’s very romantic and dreamy. (..) Dylan, she’s a virgin!” Gah! What the hell?? I know Brandon could be a douche sometimes, but this is just ridiculous. I cannot believe that he would actually stand there in a place as public as a high school hallway and talk about the status of his sister’s hymen to a guy she likes! And again, why does everyone automatically assume that Brenda and Dylan are just minutes away from doing the naked pretzel? And more importantly, why does everyone feel a compulsive need to discuss this subject all the time? I know, I know, the positive message to kids thing. It grates. Understandably, Dylan is pissed, too. “What kind of a jerk do you think I am?” he asks Brandon before he walks away.

Brandon Walsh – His Sister’s Hymen’s Watcher

We now cut to a montage of Kelly and Donna dressing up Brenda for her Big Date. Obviously the youtube poster has this episode from the released DVD because the scene has a completely different score than it had when it first aired on TV. The music for the original montage was “Doing the Do” by Betty Boo, a wonderfully cheesy early 90s rap, slightly reminiscent of the kitsch-y Wham! Rap. I guess there must have been a copyright issue or something. Too bad, because this new music is a weird, noisy guitar-riffy song that doesn’t fit the girly scenario at all. Anyway, the three girls end up contemplating the result of their stylings in the mirror and everyone’s satisfied. Brenda’s outfit is actually not horrible, when you disregard a hideous handbag with a gold chain. Very grandma. Brandon shows up in the doorway and stares at them in a really creepy way, but everyone completely ignore his stalking and glaring. Shannen Doherty does nervous-and-excited really well, and the three girls rush out while we zoom in on a sad Brandon who bids his sister’s hymen a silent goodbye.

But then it turns out that Dylan has decided to stand up Brenda. We actually see her still standing there in front of the movie theatre, waiting as the audience leaves the theatre, and I take it that this means that Brenda’s been waiting for Dylan for about two hours? Come now, Brenda, that seems a little desperate.

The next day, Brenda is staring out the window in her room, sad and depressed. Brandon offers to talk to her about it. Nobody in this episode turns down the offer to talk about sex, so the twins walk over to sit on Brenda’s bed together (oh yeah, that’s not inappropriate), and Brenda reveals that she was “ready to spend the night with him, and he didn’t show up…!”. Brenda wails that she thought she was special, and Brandon says that he thought Dylan was different, but that he obviously doesn’t let people in. What, Brandon’s pissed that Dylan didn’t elaborate on his personal tragedy after Brandon publicly accused him of trying to steal his sister’s virginity? Brenda cries that yesterday on the lawn in school they were so in sync, and that she doesn’t know what happened, but something did happen. “I need. To know. What happened.” she says. She’s a total drama queen about being stood up by a guy she’s only been out with one time, but I can appreciate the fact that that’s probably how one would react at age 16. Still, I don’t see why the producers have to underline the DRAMA with some very dramatic, serious music, like someone just died.

Monday morning. Dylan is in the school computer lab, typing angrily away at a typical, big-ass 90s computer. Brandon comes up to him and asks him just what in the hell is going on with him. Apparently, stalker!Brandon has been to Dylan’s house and found out that he moved away and didn’t even leave a forwarding adress. Dylan doesn’t want to talk about it, but insists that his standing Brenda up had nothing to do with either Minnesota twin. Brandon wants Dylan to tell Brenda that. “She was so upset all weekend, she even stayed home from school today.” Again with the sharing intimate details about his sister in school. Let her have her dignity, man. From a guy whom we were supposed to believe was a talented journalist, Brandon sure didn’t have a lot of intuition in this episode.

The next scene is cut in the youtube video, but I can see that it begins with Masturbatory Beard-Fondling Teacher trying to start his car, so I think I remember where this is going: If I recall correctly, the teacher is unable to start his car, so when he sees Steve and his ‘Vette, he asks Steve if he would please do him the favour of going to pick up the guest speaker somewhere (at the airport?). Steve agrees.

From what I remember, Steve then goes to pick up the guest speaker, and she turns out to be a very pretty young woman, so Steve pretends that he’s actually a teacher at West Beverly High and flirts with her a lot. I especially remember the ending of the scene where Steve kisses Stacy Sloane’s hand and then we see Stacy Sloane standing around, gazing at him as he walks away, all impressed by his moves. Except Steve totally walks like a woman! I guess Ian Ziering is unusually hippy for a guy or something, because he kind of wriggles and waddles his way out of there, like he’s in high heels. It really ruins the mood and between the waddle and his blond mullet perm, it’s hard to believe that this pretty older woman would actually be attracted to him.

Steve Sanders – Waddler

The youtube poster is obviously as disenchanted by Steve and his waddling as I am, so he/she’s cut directly to the next scene, in which we find Brenda who’s at home in the living room, wearing her ugly jeans shorts again, this time paired with an ugly, longsleeved green shirt. She’s listening to music, and I’m almost sure that this music wasn’t in the original episode either. It seems out of sync with the scene somehow and it completely drowns out every other sound in the scene. So we can’t hear that there’s a knock on the door at some point, but obviously Brenda can, so she goes to open the door and finds Dylan there. She turns off the weird music, and Dylan awkwardly says that he’s sorry. “I know: ‘You’re an idiot’”, Brenda says, reminscing their Hot Potted Plant Moment together. “That’s not good enough this time.” She chastises him for not even explaining to her where he were and what he was doing that night, but really, he hasn’t even had the time to try to explain himself, has he? This scene isn’t very well written. Dylan cuts to the chase and reveals that he had to help his father disappear, because there’s going to be some charges against him. Fraud, things like that. He tells her that he was thinking of her the whole time and that he cares about her.The two make up and start kissing. Things heat up and they end up on the couch, making out, until they hear a car pull up and rush to the window to see who it is. I notice now for the first time that Brenda is wearing the white tennis socks again! Loose the socks, Brenda!

It’s Jim coming home! Both Dylan and Brenda completely panic and start arranging things so that it looks like Dylan is just leaving. I don’t really get this. So far I haven’t seen any indication that Dylan is aware that Jim bears a grudge against him. Oh well. I guess Brenda thought it was an appropriate topic to bring up while she was rolling around with him on that school lawn. If she has inherited any of that fine intuition that her brother’s displaying, I wouldn’t put it past her.

But Jim is not tricked by their little performance. As soon as Dylan is out the door, he asks Brenda what kind of a fool she thinks he is. I assume that’s a rethorical question, but this might be a good time for Brenda to get some things off her chest. But Jim just hands her a newspaper and tells her what she already knows, that Dylan’s father’s skipped town because of the charges against him. “You deserve better than that!” Jim yells. “Like who?” asks Brenda, “Someone straighter, someone younger, quieter?! (…) Dad, those nice boys may look mild-mannered on the outside. But mostly what they all think about is sex!” “Who said anything about sex?!” Jim says, and I have to say I’m on Jim’s side here. Nobody said anything about sex. Stop talking about sex all the time! Brenda calls Jim on the fact that when Brandon was getting it on with his girlfriend, Jim just gave him a lecture on protection, but with her sex is all about values. Which is a good point, but again, why are we talking about sex here? Jim has said plainly that he doesn’t want his daughter dating Dylan, so why don’t we start with the dating part?

Brenda Walsh – Talks about Sex a Lot

Back at school, Kelly can’t believe that Brenda actually said those things to her father. Neither can Brenda. Neither can I, but I guess I’ve established as much already. But apparently the argument ended with Jim letting Brenda see Dylan. Because nothing says “Trust me, dad” like bringing up sex in random conversation all the time.

Then we cut to the scene were the guest speaker is going to give her sex-themed lecture to the school. While the microphone is getting tested, Dylan and Brandon apologize to each other and make up. The youtube poster cuts again before we can hear the guest speaker’s lecture, which is indeed pretty stupid. From what I remember, the scene goes like this: The guest speaker starts out by talking about how she met Steve, and how he was all charming and handsome (like, yeah. If you’re into blond mullets and waddly walks). But that for the rest of her life she will have to tell interested guys like Steve an important thing about herself: That she has AIDS. Omg!!1!! Cue to shocked atmosphere at West Beverly High, as the students listen to her story about how she contracted the disease as a teenager after practising unsafe sex with her boyfriend, and now the boyfriend is dead, and she’s tired and sick and losing weight. Because sex is a serious matter, that should not be taken lightly, but should be talked about endlessly and with everyone you know, including your father and brother, from the moment you go out on a date with a person. Right, writers?

Evening at Casa Walsh. Dylan comes over to pick Brenda up, and he kisses up to Jim some while he waits for her to come down from her room. He explains to Jim that he hardly knows his criminal father, and that Brenda and Brandon are lucky to have the parents they’ve got. Then Brenda comes down, and I didn’t think that she would be able to find a more hideous outfit than the shorts-jeans-tennis-socks thing, but she proves me wrong. She’s wearing a bodystocking… in red faux-velvet. Ugh! Faux velvet is definitely a fashion faux-pas, and the bodystocking makes the otherwise prettily curvy Shannen Doherty look short and chubby.

Brenda’s sufficiently scared by the AIDS-stricken Guest Lecturer’s speech that she decides that it would probably be best if she talked about sex some more. The final scene of the episode shows Brenda and Dylan at some Beverly Hills viewpoint, and Brenda very romantically starts asking Dylan if he’s ever had unprotected sex. Dylan says ”not lately”, but yes, it has happened. It really bugs me how the writers are always writing Dylan’s character like he’s about 40 or something. From what I can gather, Dylan must be about 17 at this point. This means that he’s been sexually active for, what, two or three years? Four years at the most? Then what’s with the “not lately” thing? Three years ago that’s “lately”, I’d say. Unless they expect me to believe that Dylan was heavily experimenting as a ten-year-old or something. Again, I get it, the writers want the Dylan character to be a worldly sophisticated counterpoint to Brandon and Brenda, but they’re really taking it too far.

Anyway, Dylan asks Brenda if she’d like him to get tested. “Would you do that for me?” Brenda asks him, and Dylan says “I guess I’d be doing it for me.” The scene ends with Brenda angsting about how she needs for them to slow down, and again, Brenda, you’re the one who keeps bringing up sex. Dylan reassures his pushy new girlfriend, and we fade to black, and, man, this was the episode I watched over and over as a kid? Hard to believe. Apart from the Broken Potted Plant of Hotness scene, this episode is extremely clunkily written. I’m so glad that they decided to downplay the Positive Message to Kids thing in later seasons, and just focus on the teen angst soapy goodiness. Otherwise how would we ever have had awesome scenes like Jack McKay being blown up in his car by the mob?

/marie

PS: Holy Christ, I think this is possibly the longest blog entry I’ve ever written. On an episode of 90210 at that. That is kind of unsettling.